Manners of a Shaykh

A Shaykh has to be on a very high level of manners or adab. We can categorize this into certain sections:

1. His adab to his shaykh and his silsilla [spiritual lineage], ultimately to the Prophet (saws) and to Allah
2. His adab to the general public
3. His adab to his murids
4. His adab with other shaykhs
5. His adab with other shaykhs' murids

First of all, in order to be a shaykh, and to continue to be a shaykh, you have to follow your own shaykh. You have to have your own shaykh's adab with you, by showing respect to your shaykh whether he's passed away or not. You have to make rabita [the heart connection] to him at all times and assume that you don't exist, that your shaykh is the one who is running the affairs. So you have to be humble and modest. You always have to take our Prophet (saws) as an example. Your actions have to be correct with the sharia, tariqa, haqiqa, marifa.

As you show respect to your shaykhs and your pirs, you also have to show respect to others' shaykhs and pirs. Assume that your shaykhs are also them. A shaykh's adab with the general public is based on his remembering that he is representing the Prophet (saws), and he must act with each person according to his or her level of understanding. You have to be modest and more tolerant. You must be very patient in order to explain things to people in a way that they can understand. Don't despise anybody. With your own murids you also have to act with kindness, love, and compassion. Your goal should be only their own good. Sometimes you might have to yell at them or punish them. This is not from vindictiveness, but from doing what is good for them. You must never lose sight of the goal. Your job is only to help them get to Allah.

A shaykh should never try to take advantage of his murids. If they have money or other properties, he should not try to get these away from them for his own use. If they donate or give willingly for the tariqa or for Allah's sake or for himself, then it is acceptable. But he should not devise a plan to take their money or properties.

There are four or five things that a shaykh must be aware of, as they can become problems for him:

1. Fame
2. Money
3. Women
4. Drinking and drugs
5. Vanity

Having vanity is thinking that you are it and you don't need your shaykh anymore. You always need your shaykh. Remember, it is not you who is doing anything. It is Allah who is acting through the line of your silsilla; it is Allah who is doing things through you. You are Allah's door. People are not coming for you, but rather they are coming for Allah through you. That is, they are coming to you for Allah. Don't think that all this attention is for you. You have to pass it up to Allah, all that attention and love being for Him. You have to disappear.

When it comes to the shaykh's adab with other shaykhs, he should always treat other shaykhs as his equal or better. He should not try to overpower them or take over and see them as smaller. Sometimes Arabic speaking people think that they have automatic rights, that they are the most perfect Muslims. They think that non-Arabic speaking people don't know, that they must take charge and start teaching them because they are better than they. Remember, our Prophet (saws) said, "Arabs are no better than Persians, and Persians are no better than Arabs, but people pass each other only with their actions. Whoever does the good action gets closer to Allah." So you have to respect other shaykhs too.

When you encounter other shaykhs' murids, you should not talk to them on your own. If you need some service from them, you have to go to their shaykh and their shaykh will try to get someone to help you. You don't see other shaykhs' murids as your servants or try to get their money or see in them an opportunity to get money. First of all, a shaykh should not lie to get money. A shaykh should not cheat to collect money. Whatever money he does collect, he has to use it for the purpose for which he is collecting. Remember, our Prophet (saws) didn't cheat or lie.

Some shaykhs try to steal other shaykhs' students. This is a shame. If you are a shaykh, you should know who your son or daughter is. You should not be after anybody else's daughter or son. As a shaykh you should not brag about how many followers you have. You don't brag at all. It is not important how many followers you have. The important thing is how many of them you took to Allah. Can you spend time with all of them? Are you showing the proper affection for them? Having a lot of people behind you doesn't make you a good shaykh. Michael Jackson has more people, but he's not a shaykh.

A true shaykh serves Allah only, and he lets Allah do everything. He knows his children and he takes care of them. He doesn't use them or abuse them. Everything has to be for their own good and in the line of getting them to Allah.

So we all have to follow the Prophet's (saws) footsteps in sharia, in tariqa, in haqiqa, in marifa. If you are not doing this, don't cheat people by claiming you are a shaykh. If you are cheating, lying, drinking, smoking pot, and other such things, how can you declare that you are a shaykh?

One more important issue is that your students are your children. You cannot marry them, you cannot molest them, you cannot have any sexual contact with any of them whether it's legal or not. It is absolutely illegal for a shaykh to have any sexual contact with his students. You have to follow the Prophet (saws), that's all.

A true shaykh gives the truth. We just represent the truth and nothing but the truth. The people have to see and compare, they have to decide who is true or not. If you are a liar, Allah will lead you to a liar shaykh. If you are true, Allah will lead you to a true shaykh. The truth is available. What we try to do is make it available to people.

The conditions of a true shaykh are the following:

1. He follows the sharia.
2. He speaks about what is in your heart. He answers questions that you have not spoken aloud.
3. When you are in his presence, you forget your troubles. He takes your load.
4. He praises Allah and not himself.
5. He has a silsilla (lineage) and a license to teach the path.

If someone fits these conditions, he or she is on the right path, and still Allah knows if he is a true shaykh or not, if he has a silsilla or not; it depends on a lot of things. but if he doesn't fit them, he is not a shaykh at all, whether he has a silsilla or not. He is in the wrong.

May Allah help all the shaykhs to be true, may Allah help us to clean ourselves and be real, true shaykhs. Our purpose in writing this article is to try to point out some problems in this society. We are not trying to point our finger at any particular person, and that is not our job. It is the job of the people to decide who they belong to and who is real or not. May Allah help all the shaykhs who are true and everybody else who is trying to carry Allah's message, so that they can move one more step toward Allah. May Allah bless them all. Amin.

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